POLITICS
TRUMP ON ME Brit politicians fly to America for windy face-sitting sessions with Donald Trump, hoping good luck rubs off
DEMO-CAT GEORGE George Galloway bid to replace Joe Biden as Democrat candidate in the presidential battle against Donald Trump in November
UNSEEN GREENS The BBC accused of cancelling Green Party and showcasing far-right Reform Party instead - can explain it, but denies it anyway
KEIR STARMER CALLS ELECTION New PM calls for immediate election after reality check, claims "We're all going to hell!"
HOLY FARG Nigel Farage flees Clacton job to become Belgian monk because "Brexit Means Brexit"
DIE KING DIE Keir Starmer's three-word response to rumours of forthcoming Dubai Christmas boxing match vs King Charles
GORY TORIES Tories wiped out in general election - plans to convert party into funeral company run by Jacob Rees-Mogg and Esther McVey
ED DAVEY DEAD Lib Dems leader finally passes after 1,029th election deathwish dare goes horribly wrong
FINAL COUNTDOWN Putin's personal clairvoyant predicts world will end in ONE WEEK, as bookies report huge bets from Russia
